Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A78-W27
魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A78-W27
Release Date: July 3, 2004
发布日：2004年7月3日
Topic: A Memorial to my Father (by Wei Jingsheng)
标题：怀念我的父亲魏梓林 (魏京生)
Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）
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A Memorial to my Father
-- Wei Jingsheng
When engaging in something important, one sometimes forgets some other things in life. Sometimes, these "other things" will come into mind during leisure time or be prompted by something else. A few days ago, a stranger I ran into mentioned Father's Day. That started me thinking about my father, who passed away recently. It made me sad - I felt sorry for my father.
I never got along well with my father. Both of us were responsible for that. I was a naughty boy from birth. There were always some novel ideas in my mind. When I was one month old, I bit the radio switch. As a result of the electrical shock, I was dropped down from the table. That made big trouble for my parents. When I was four years old, I led some friends looking for adventure. I fell so hard and was injured and blood came out of my forehead. Even now, there is a scar on my elbow. As I got older, I made more and more troubles. The administrator's office and guards would have to talk to my parents every week. Even now, when meeting with my childhood friends I often mention my "heroic" actions. In my memory, these things just happened yesterday.
I had a new hobby when I was in forth or fifth grade: reading novels during class time. Before entering middle school, my scores had dropped to the bottom. At last, my teacher went to my home and talked about it to my parents. My father rarely spoke to us. That day, he called me to his room and told me: "From now on, you must finish all make-up homework you teacher assigns to you one month before the final exam. If you cannot make it to middle school, there will be no more room for you and no more food for you in this family!" Since he was so serious, I had to study hard. As a result, I entered the best middle school in Beijing. However, since then I started to hate this stubborn old man. As a kid, I didn't think studying or not was a big deal. For me, reading a novel was also study. Would not you agree?
During the three years when I was in middle school, there was more and more conflict between the two of us. The dinning table would always become the place for debate. Reading too many books, a kid can become canny and weird. Quite often my father got so angry that he slammed down his chopsticks and went back to his room to smoke. At that time my mother would become the mediator between us. As a boy or man, I always had my own ideas. Therefore, this unfriendly situation lasted for several decades. I didn't get any good word from him until 1993 when I got back home after staying fifteen years in prison. Before then, even when my essay won second place in the Beijing city-wide competition (first place went to somebody who became a famous writer later on, named Ke, Yunlu ), my father still showed an indifferent face and pretended no big deal. My mother was very happy about my award and added a few more dishes to the dinning table to celebrate. Those incidents made me feel more that my father was peculiar and non-understandable. Years later, when I was sent down to my father's home town, WeiJia Dam town in Chao county, Anhui province, I heard from the villagers and second cousins that my father himself was very intelligent when he was young, with an extra-ordinary memory of anything when he read. In addition, his abilities were lucky enough to be discovered and thus won his chance of getting educated. He became a professor in a normal institute when he was nineteen. Compared with his talent, my tiny achievement was nothing to be proud of. Even when my father was in his seventies and eighties, he could repeat what he had heard from radio stations such as VOA, BBC, Radio Free Asia and Agence Frence Press. I would never beat him on that.
At that time, there was only one normal institute in the whole Anhui province. It was the gathering place of many talented young people from Southern China. Influenced by the underground Chinese Communist members and attracted to the splendid picture of a future human society, these talented young people joined the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) around the beginning of the Chinese Anti-Japanese War (i.e. WWII) and became an important source of commanders of the New Fourth Army. Most of them were in very important positions. Just as doing business needs talent during peace time, it was useless if you only knew how to flatter during war time. Truly capable people will be promoted. Since my father was very capable, he was promoted to the level of general in the Army when he was only thirty years old. In 1949, before the Chinese Communists took over Beijing, my father was named as the leader of the task force to take over the whole aviation system. Therefore he became one of the most important people in establishing the Chinese civil aviation system and the Chinese Air Force. At that time he was a neighbor of Mao Zedong. Mao gave him the task of tutoring his eldest son Mao Anying in Chinese language and history after school. He kept the teaching work until they moved into Beijing. Today some people say that the older generation of CCP officials did whatever they want because they were uneducated. The new officials are hopeful because they have college degrees. From my own observation, these people are wrong to start with this assumption.
An important event occurred when my father was in the civil aviation system. That event was the most frustrating one in my father's life. The same event also made him gain the most respect from other people. It was during the political campaign of "Three Against and Five Against". The civil aviation bureau was accused of one hundred thousand silver dollars embezzlements. The financial control used to be very simple and loose. Many family members needed to be settled. Normally the approval from the director or manager level would be enough. However, when making some kind of campaign, the CCP usually had some quota. To reach the quota, some unreasonable things would have to happen. Those in charge of the campaign came from the organization department of the CCP. They insisted that according to the rules, any payment worth one hundred dollars or more should have approval from the bureau level. Otherwise it would be treated as embezzlement. Eight officials at the director level were arrested and were ready to be executed. My father immediately wrote a letter to Mao Zedong and took all the responsibility. Those eight arrested had their lives spared. However, my father was expelled from the party and lost his job. Had my father not done that, today people wouldn't only talk about the cases of Liu Qingshan and Zhang Zishan (Liu and Zhang were executed for embezzlement in the early fifties, and the cases were well publicized all over the country). All of the eight people he saved were old Red Army members. When the Chinese army evaluated ranks in 1955, all of them were either Major Generals or Lieutenant Generals.
Nonetheless, talented people are always wanted. At that time the communist government was just established and capable people were needed everywhere. My father was pulled to the Air Force by Wu Faxian and was asked to be the head of the organization and mobilization department. From today's point of view, this department is something like the combination of the organization department of the Communist Party system and the official affairs department from the military system. Like many old communists, my father was too serious about democracy, liberty and national interests. He didn't know that the situation became different after the CCP took over the country. Once at a high level Air Force meeting, the issue of co-operating with the Soviet Union was discussed. At the meeting my father disagreed with Commander Liu Yalou, who was lean to Soviet Union. He gave his analysis by laying out the facts and his reasoning and finally made Liu admit he was wrong. The final report incorporating his ideas was approved by Mao Zedong. However, that event offended Commander Liu Yalou, who was not very open-minded. Liu Yalou found some other excuses to punish him, such as working without uniform or not fastening all the buttons, etc. He was demoted several times. My father could not endure that and wanted to keep fighting with Liu Yalou. He was young and stubborn and very aggressive. Fortunately, Wu Faxian was there to be the mediator between them. That made the conflict lessen a little bit. Wu wanted my father to be the deputy director of the aviation bureau in the Soviet Union. My father didn't want to go because of the family. Then Wu wanted him to be the Commander of the Northwest Air Force, and he didn't want to go because of Liu Yalou. He couldn't help to leave both those he loved and those he hated in his mind. It was a real miracle that a person like him could survive that era. My father's opinion of Wu Faxian was different from the average person's. He felt Wu was someone who could be a balancing force among colleagues. Unfortunately, several years ago, there was a vote among the retired officials from the Chinese Air Force. Wu was voted as the one with the least integrity. The reason was that he didn't behave well in the court when he was sentenced. On the contrary, my father was voted as the one with the most integrity, because of the two events mentioned above. My father was said by many to have the Chinese traditional heroic and straightforward style.
After that, my father also helped China to get out of the confinement difficulty. By using his old relationship with the leadership in the Foreign Affairs Ministry, he founded the first company that had business outside of China - the Chinese Construction Company, which became the first effort for economic reform in China. After I was sent to jail, the foreign affairs bureau chiefs of varies ministries in China, including Jiang ZeMin, all spent half a year in his office to learn. They built various companies associated with their corresponding ministries in dealing with overseas business after they returned. This movement was the predecessor of the Chinese economic reform, and led various businesses in China to expand out of China. However, due to the association with my prison sentence, he was forced into retirement early. After he retired into his home he spent everyday listening to "enemy propaganda broadcasting" from abroad, drinking and scolding the corrupted officials of brutality to the Chinese people. The massacre of June 4 made him and many older Chinese Communist members realize that the road they had chosen was wrong, that it was people like me who had continued their ideology instead. So when I came out of jail, I received his praise for the first time in my life, although I do not remember details anymore.
Most of my impression of my father's life is this political life, rather than the typical "emotional life" average citizens remember about their fathers. One's life is limited; when you gain some, you lose some. Although my father rarely expressed his internal feelings, I still could tell that he loved us very much, to such a degree that it could affect his judgment. One day after I was sent to jail, a friend of his told him that the (well-known) painter HUANG Zhou said bad things about me to several friends during a dinner. My father was very upset and had since severed his time with the painter. Mr. Huang called him several times for a visit, but he excused himself for no time available. How could not he find some time in his retirement life? It was really that he was unhappy and cared that very much. The relationship between our two families was very good; before then I visited Huang's family often and they treated me as a family member. My father thought that to say bad things about me was lying, and not for a friend to do. However, maybe my father rushed to judgment. First, he should have let the other to explain to decide if it was true or not. Second, he should have known that under the sky of Deng XiaoPing, no one wants to offend Deng. So in certain times and places, to say something to some people just "to follow the current" is not a big mistake. When I was in jail, I heard people say bad words about me everyday, but I did not care, for I know that everyone has a ruler in their heart. What is said might not be what it is thought, what it is thought might not be spoken out, so one might not be so serious. But that was my father's character; he distinguished love and hate well, just like not allowing the sand to get into eyes. People respected him because of this. That he was not treated fairly was also due to this. In 1993 when I was released back home, I tried to advise him on this matter, but he would not listen. I sighed - the Chinese Communists won in their own day because of this type of truthful good people, now they fail due to the lack of this type of good people.
The generation of my father and my mother consists of the type of people whose devotion made them forget themselves. Three days before my father died, he was lying on the bed telling my younger sisters and brother: "Don't worry, do what you should do." I know that he did not want to distract us when we were fighting hard inside the United Nations' compound in Geneva to improve the human rights of our fellow Chinese, against the corruption of the Chinese Communists, including their million dollars of bribes - a battle that his generation fought for their lives yet never won.
Nowadays, some people might think that my father's generation and my generation are "silly" for not knowing how to enjoy our lives. We spent all our effort not for our own good life and suffered setbacks, difficulties, even disasters. But this is the life of these explorers. Although there are ups and downs, there is happiness and sadness, we left our own foot steps on this world. The lives of our explorers are spent finding a road or even opening a new road for the good life of others. We might be wrong in trying to find the best route, yet that does not mean we should not continue our struggle. We must continue to search.
I want to dedicate this article to comfort my parents' souls in heaven.
Wei Jingsheng
June 30, 2004
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Editor's note: Although some explanation notes were added for the English version, we did not include the notes on these historical figures in the 20th century's Chinese history such as CCP high officials WU Faxian and LIU Yalou, as well as well known artist HUANG Zhou and author KE Yunlu, which are available in the history books.
Photo link 1: The last photo of Wei Jingsheng with his father Wei ZiLin (Niagara Falls, NY, USA, October 2000)
http://weijingsheng.org/pic/newsletters/newsletters2004/newsletters2004-2/WeiZL0010WJS-3.jpg
Photo link 2: Wei ZiLin visiting National Liberty Museum where there is a special showcase of his son Wei Jingsheng (Philadelphia, PA, USA, September 2000)
http://weijingsheng.org/pic/newsletters/newsletters2004/newsletters2004-2/WeiZL0009NLM-3.jpg
(First released by Wei Jingsheng Foundation.
Please give credit, with the foundation's website at: www.WeiJingsheng.org.)
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中文版
Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A78-W27
魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A78-W27
Release Date: July 3, 2004
发布日：2004年7月3日
Topic: A Memorial to my Father (by Wei Jingsheng)
标题：怀念我的父亲魏梓林 (魏京生)
Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）
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怀念我的父亲魏梓林
-- 魏京生
当你忙于一些重大事务的时候，会把生活中的一些其它事情忽略掉。直到稍有闲暇或受到某种启示，才会突然想起这些并非不重要的“其它事情”来。前几天办事遇到一个陌生人提起“父亲节”，我才想起刚刚去世的父亲，心中突然有一股酸酸的感觉，深感对不起他老人家。
我和父亲的关系从来不好，这里面有我的原因也有他的原因。我是个天生就很淘气、满脑子各种鬼主意的孩子。刚满月还不能用手，我就用嘴去咬大人天天要去播弄的收音机开关，挨了电打从桌子上摔下来，把大人折腾得不轻。四岁时我率领小伙伴们上山冒险，摔得头破血流，现在眉毛上还留着伤疤。再大一点儿就更不得了了，飞檐走壁，打抱不平，以为自己是天下一大侠，大院管理处和警卫连每周都上门告状。偶尔碰到儿时玩伴，我还常常提起当年的“英雄壮举”，犹如昨日般记忆犹新。
从小学四、五年级开始，我又添了新毛病：上课老是看小说，上了瘾一样。快要考中学的时候，我的测验成绩差得全班倒数。班主任董老师终于不能忍耐，到家里告了一状。我父亲平时很少和我们说话，这次他把我叫到他的房间里说：“从现在开始，你必须在考试前的一个月里完成董老师给你安排的所有补习作业。如果你考不上中学，以后这个家里就没有你的房间，也没有你的饭！”因为他从来就很严肃认真，我不得不乖乖读书。结果考上了北京最好的学校，但也从此恨上了这个不通人情的老古董。小孩子当然认为读书没什么重要的，看小说不也是读书吗？
中学的三年，我们的矛盾更加剧烈了。星期天回家，我们家的饭桌常常成为辩论会场。小孩子读书多了就变得精灵古怪，常常气得父亲摔下筷子回屋抽烟去。这时我妈妈就成了我们之间的调停人。由于我是个主意特别大的男孩或男人，所以这种状态持续了几十年。直到1993年我蹲了15年监狱回到家里时，才第一次受到他的表扬。在这之前，甚至在我作文得了北京市第二名的时候（第一名后来成了名作家，叫柯云路），他脸上也不动声色，若无其事的样子。只有我妈妈高兴地加做了几个菜。我因此更觉得父亲是个无法理解的怪人。直到我后来回老家安徽巢县魏家坝镇上山下乡的时候，才从乡亲们口中得知，父亲13岁时被发现是个过目不忘的神童，因此有了机会读书；19岁就已经在师范学院当教授了。和神童相比，我那一点点成绩的确没什么可骄傲的。我父亲七、八十岁了，还能每天向我弟妹详细复述美国之音讲了什么，BBC讲了什么，自由亚洲讲了什么，法广的谁谁讲了什么。这方面我从来都赢不了他。
当时的安徽只有一个师范学院，集中了一大批江南才子。因为受到中共地下党员的影响，这些人全都被人类最美好的理想所吸引，在抗日战争前后纷纷加入了共产党，成为新四军干部来源之一，并且大都得到了重用。战争年代拍马屁是不吃香的，人们自然而然就会唯才是用，就像和平年代做生意一样。我父亲由于才能卓著，30岁就已经是正军级干部了。49年中共将要打进北京时，他被调到中共军委担任航空系统军事接管小组长，成为组建中国民航和空军的主要负责人之一。当时他和毛泽东是邻居，并且被毛泽东推荐为毛岸英的古文和历史业余教师，直到进城以后才停止教授。现在有人说，中共老一代干部都是土八路，所以胡作非为；如今都是有大学文凭的，所以有希望了。以我的亲身观察，他们说话的前提就是错的。
在民航时发生了一件大事，那是我父亲一生中最重要的挫折，但也是他最受人尊敬的事件。当时正值三反五反，民航局被告发有十万银元账目不清。过去军队的财务管理非常简单，进城后有很多干部亲属需要安置，这些都由处、科级干部批个条子就开支了。但中共一搞运动就有指标，为了指标就常常不讲理。负责运动的一方（中央组织部）硬说十万元按制度需要局领导签字，否则就按贪污挪用公款处理。当时就抓了八名处级军官，拉到刑场上准备枪毙。我父亲立即给毛泽东写了一份检讨，把责任揽在自己身上。那八人因此免于一死，而我父亲却落得个开除党籍、解除公职的处分。如果没有我父亲的举动，人们今天就不会只说刘青山、张子善的贪污案了。因为这八个人全是老红军，55年评军衔时都是少将中将。
但是人才总有人要。当时中共政权初建，各方都缺乏人才。所以吴法宪很快就把我父亲招揽到空军，让他担任组织动员部长，这相当于现在的党系统组织部，加上军队系统的干部部和军务部合二为一的部门。但是我父亲象很多老共产党人一样，把民主、自由和国家利益看得太认真了，不知道共产党一执政就变了形势。在一次空军高层会议上，为了和苏联合作的问题，父亲与留苏派的司令员刘亚楼发生了冲突。他条分缕析，摆事实讲道理，硬是逼得刘亚楼认了错。虽然按他的原则写出的报告得到了毛泽东的批准，但父亲从此也得罪了心胸不那么宽阔的司令员。随后刘亚楼找了些理由，比如不穿军服上班，不系风纪扣等等，把他连降好几级，一直降到科长。父亲还不服气，要和刘亚楼拼到底。年轻气盛如此，看来非要碰到南墙才回头，是个不得好死的种。幸亏有吴法宪从中调和事情才有缓解。吴让父亲去苏联民航局当副局长，父亲舍不得老婆孩子，让他去西北空军当司令员，他又舍不得刘亚楼。他这人心太重，仇人和亲人都舍不得，这样的人在那种时代能活下来，也算个奇迹吧。我父亲对吴法宪的评价不同于一般人，他认为吴的确是个能在同事之间起平衡作用的人。遗憾的是，前几年空军老干部投票评选，吴当选为空军最没骨气的老干部，理由是他在法庭上表现不好。而我父亲当选为最有骨气的老干部，理由是上述的两件壮举。大家说父亲有中国传统的侠义和敢直言的作风。
在此以后的岁月里，父亲还为中国走出封闭困境做了一件不大不小的事。他利用和外交部领导层的老关系，创建了中国第一个走出国门经营的公司——中建公司。为中国的改革开放打了头一炮。我进监狱后，包括江泽民在内的各部委外事局领导，都曾在他的办公室里工作学习半年。回去后陆续组建了各部委的对外公司，这是中国的工商业走出国门的开始，是改革开放的一个小小的序曲。随之，受我的牵连，他还没有到退休年龄就离休了。离休后父亲天天在家“偷听敌台”，喝酒骂现在的贪官污吏如何祸国殃民。六四屠杀使他和他那一代许多老共产党人发现，他们的路走错了，我这样的人倒是继承了他们理想的人。所以我从监狱出来以后，平生第一次受到了他的表扬。我已经记不起为了什么事情了。
父亲一生给我的印象大多是如上说述的政治生活，很少有小市民家温情脉脉的所谓“感情生活”。一个人的生命是有限的，有了这些就没有了那些。虽然父亲很少表达自己的内心感受，但我还是看得出来，他非常爱我们，爱到有时会影响他的判断。在我进监狱之后的某一天，有个朋友向他传了个话，说画家黄胄在酒桌上向几个朋友说我的坏话。父亲听了立即吹胡子瞪眼，从此不和黄胄来往。人家几次打电话要来看望他，他都说没时间。他一个退休老头儿，怎么会没时间呢？是心里有气，心太重了。因为我们两家的关系历来极好，我常去黄家，他们也不拿我当客人。我父亲自然认为黄说我坏话就是撒谎，不够朋友。但是第一，是真是假你也得容人家解释之后才好认定呢。第二，在邓家天下之下，人家也不能得罪邓某，在特定的时间地点，对特定的对象说了几句随大流的话，不为大过。我在监狱里天天听人家说我坏话，我都不在乎，因为我知道人人心里都有杆秤，这年头儿说的不一定是想的，想的也不一定就是说的，何必认真呢！但是父亲就是这么一种个性，他爱憎分明，像眼睛里容不得沙子一样。人们敬他是为了这个，他自己吃亏也是因为这个。93年我在家的时候，曾试图开导开导他，但他不听，脖子一扭头一扬：免谈！我在心里感慨，共产党胜就胜在当年有这么一批正人君子，如今败也败在没有了这么一批正人君子。
父亲和我妈妈那一代人是这么一种人：爱什么憎什么都会达到忘我的境界。到父亲快死的前三天，他躺在病床上还在电话里笑着对我弟弟妹妹说：“没事，我没事，你们不用担心，好好做自己的事去。”我明白他这是不想动摇我们的军心。因为我们一帮人正在日内瓦联合国大厦里，为提高中国老百姓的人权保障，和中共的贪官污吏，以及成百万美元的贿赂进行战斗——就是那场那些人打了一辈子没打赢的战斗。
现在一些人可能会认为，我父亲他们这一代人和我们这一代人都很傻，不会生活。自找了那么多挫折、坎坷和灾难，总之，瞎忙活了一辈子，没有过上什么好日子。但这是探索者的生活，有声有色，有喜有悲，跌跎起伏，在这个世界上留下了自己的足迹。探索者的生活就是为芸芸众生的好日子找路开路。即使万一找错了，但不能说不该找路。所以还得继续找。
仅以此文告慰我那在天的父母。
魏京生 2004年6月30日
照片联接之一 （2000年10月魏京生与他父亲魏梓林俩人一起的最后合影）：http://weijingsheng.org/pic/newsletters/newsletters2004/newsletters2004-2/WeiZL0010WJS-3.jpg
照片联接之二 （2000年9月魏京生之父魏梓林在美国国家自由宫魏京生介绍栏前留影）：http://weijingsheng.org/pic/newsletters/newsletters2004/newsletters2004-2/WeiZL0009NLM-3.jpg
（魏京生基金会首发，请注明出处。）
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