Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A205-W101
魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A205-W101
Release Date: May 14, 2006
发布日：2006年5月14日
Topic: In Memory of My Mother on Mother's Day (Part of Wei Jingsheng' Memoir) -- by Wei Jingsheng
标题：母亲节忆母亲及其它 - 魏京生 （魏京生生平回忆节选）
Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）
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In Memory of My Mother on Mother's Day (Part of Wei Jingsheng's Memoir)
-- by Wei Jingsheng
I never joined the Chinese Communist Party. However, when I was young, I called Jiang Qing, Mao Zedong's wife, "Auntie." This is the past that is not deniable. And there is no need to deny this fact. Neither closeness nor remoteness can trump principle.
Soon after the Communists took power in 1949, Mao's family and mine were neighbors at the Summer Palace in Beijing. During the Cultural Revolution, my mother burned many photographs of Jiang Qing cradling me in her arms when was a little. I said to my mom, "These aren't taboo. What are you doing burning them?" My mother said, "I don't want to have any relationship with her. I look down at her for her conduct. Remember: if there's ever a day when we're in dire straits, we must not look for her help even if we need protection. That would make me disgusted." I laughed then and I agreed to my mother. My mother was one who knew clearly what she loved and hated.
Then I asked my mother about the relationship between Mao's family and mine. My mother had the best words for MAO AnQing (note by the editor: Mao Zedong's eldest son who was killed in the Korean War); MAO Zedong came second, and Jiang Qing was the worst. Both women came from Qingdao, it had truly been a while since my mother and Jiang Qing were close like sisters. Yet, she was no different than Mao Zedong's nearby aids, who quickly lost their tolerance for that real actress who treated all of real life as a play. Of course, before Jiang Qing dared to bully my mother around, my mother had already respectfully kept her distance from her. Thus, when Jiang Qing was arrested (in 1978), it's not a coincidence that there were no aids or security guards to protect her.
My mother recalled that at that time notions of rank were already beginning to form in the Communist Party, so when senior officers saw a minor cadre like her (a deputy section chief), those who knew her personally would nod to her, but those who didn't would pretend that they hadn't seen her. But to the least, Mao ZeDong was one of a few highest senior officers who would still ask about others' well being, or at least greet them. She said that at that point, she felt that the Communist Party was changing and was no longer like it was before, where they would "love the people like their children, and where officers and soldiers were equal (as the Chinese Communists' slogan)." It wasn't like the ideal of a people's party and army of the sons of the people.
Mao AnYing had just come back from the Soviet Union at that time. Mao Zedong said that although Mao AnYing got good grades, he had just learned a few foreign playthings only, and that if he didn't understand Chinese culture, he would still be useless in the future. Mao stipulated this son to quickly take lessons on the ancient Four Books and Five Classics of Confucianism. AnYing didn't understand the content of the texts and went to ask his father. Mao said, "I don't have the time to give you classes on this, and furthermore, I don't often live outside the city. Next door, there is Mr. Wei, who was a schoolteacher by trade, and who is an expert on the texts. Ask him to teach you." Mao ZeDong had Jiang Qing pay a personal visit to my parents for the arrangement. At that time, Jiang Qing and my mother still called each other "sister." The only good thing my mother had to say about Jiang Qing was, "I have never seen a better stepmother; she treated her step-children by Mao's ex-wives even better than her own child."
From then on, whenever Mao AnYing saw my father's car at home, he would come to our home to attend his class. When he came, he would always ask my mother, "does the leading cadre have time today? If he is busy, I could come the next time." When departing, Mao AnYing would always bow (to my father), and say, "I've wasted so much of your time, and have troubled Teacher Du (my mother has surname Du from her father) as well. I'm really sorry." From the first time to the last time, he would always be just as polite. My mother said, "He was like one of the Japanese POWs I used to be in charge of. He wasn't like a typical Chinese, and even less was he like the CCP Central Committee Military Commission people with their soldier-like, bandit attitude."
She then sighed, saying, "If AnYing were still alive, Chairman Mao wouldn't have indulged Jiang Qing so much in her defiance of both human and divine laws. Chairman Mao has been irritated by Jiang Qing from early on; the one he likes the most is AnYing." I immediately ridiculed her womanly views, saying that Jiang Qing only helped Mao commit his bad deeds, and only you women would like AnYing's effeminate manner. My mother, smiling, scolded me, saying, "That sounds like something you labor-reform brutes would say. This way, you will never find yourself a wife." On political issues, I was always the "opposition faction" to my parents' views. We went from me having to admit that they were right at the beginning; to the point there they had to admit that I was right. After I was sent to jail, my father was my first line of fans. He would refuse all those of his old comrades-in-arms, friends, or officers who said bad things about me to visit him. Every day, he would eavesdrop on "enemy broadcasting stations" to hear news about me, just like the rule set by the Deputy Commander-in-Chief Lin Biao (who revolted and was killed in 1972 but said during the Chinese Culture Revolution time): listen every day, be unyielding.
In 1993, when I was on parole, I ran into an old neighbor named Zhang Yuzhen (the wife of Li Rui, one of the top Chinese Communist theorists and officials). Upon seeing me, she pulled on my arm, saying, "You are such a dutiful son! Your mother is so blessed!" I was at a total loss as to why she was saying this. She continued, "You waited until your mother passed away to go to jail. Isn't that smart and respectful? Otherwise, your mother would be in so much pain during this time." I said that this point had never occurred to me. I thought, my father is still alive; is this being disrespectful to him? But my father didn't see it this way. He said, "Do well, and act like a son of mine. Back then, your father also had trouble being both loyal and possessing of filial piety." I said, "I am different than you back then. I opposed your Communist Party." He said, "These are the same. We were also hanging our heads on our belts in an effort to let the common people live well." I thought then that I should mature more and not always force others including my own father to admit defeat to me in arguments.
This is exactly what my mother often said, " Neither closeness nor remoteness can trump principle." This has always been the way of my family, and the way my parents learned when participating in the revolution. It was way of the Communist Party when it was successful, and when the Party discarded principle later on, the reason for its failure. This is precisely the way that we the democracy advocates must learn and maintain, the way of democracy.
I am writing this essay to commemorate my parents. As Mother's Day fast approaches, I attach a poem I wrote while in jail in 1983, cherishing the memory of my mother.
In a dream, I again saw my mother, who criticized me for not understanding how to be careful. After I started to argue with her and made her leave with upsetness, I suddenly realized how many years it had been since she had died, and how hard it was to see her even once. I awoke, profoundly sorrowful. I then composed the following rough poem:
Listening to your voice, facing your countenance, my soul comes to this dreamland,
Grieved, and nervous, my heart is broken;
Fulfilling your duties to the greatest extent, you pass away,
I am left alive, but distraught and get carried away;
The loving mother still holds in her loving heart her son,
Yet, she was gone upon return of this prodigal son;
Tears of shame and regret cut off the path to the Netherworld,
How can apologizing help to build bridge across the River Styx?
(Translated by the Wei Jingsheng Foundation. Published with slightly alternation. Contents in parenthesis added by the editor.)
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中文版
Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A205-W101
魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A205-W101
Release Date: May 14, 2006
发布日：2006年5月14日
Topic: In Memory of My Mother on Mother's Day (Part of Wei Jingsheng' Memoir) -- by Wei Jingsheng
标题：母亲节忆母亲及其它 - 魏京生 （魏京生生平回忆节选）
Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）
如有中文乱码问题，请与我们联系或访问:
http://www.weijingsheng.org/report/report2006/report2006-05/WeiJS060514motherA205-W101.htm
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母亲节忆母亲及其它 （魏京生生平回忆节选）
-- 魏京生
我没入过党，但管江青叫过阿姨，这是不可否认的过去。也没有必要否认。亲疏都不能盖过一个理字。
建国初在颐和园我家和毛家是邻居，文革时我妈妈烧掉了好几张江青抱着我照的相片。我说这也不犯忌，烧它干嘛。我妈妈说；我不想和她有关系，看不起她的为人。你记着；就算有一天我们倒霉了，找人保我们时也不许找她。那会叫我恶心。我一乐说当然同意。我妈妈就是这么个爱憎分明的人。
接着我又问起我家和毛家的事儿。我妈妈对毛岸英的评价最好，老毛次之，江青最差。虽然她和江青是青岛老乡，还确实亲如姐妹过一阵子。但也和老毛身边的工作人员一样，很快就受不了那个在生活中演戏的真戏子了。当然，她还没敢对我妈妈霸道，我妈妈就敬而远之了。由此可见，抓她时没有一个工作人员和警卫保护她，不是偶然的
我妈妈回忆说；当时的共产党内已经开始有等级观念了，很多“首长”看见像她这样的小干部（副处长），熟悉的点点头，不熟悉的就装没看见“视若无睹”。老毛是很少的几个大首长，见面还嘘寒问暖，至少要打个招呼的人。我妈妈说；从那时她就感觉到共产党在变了，不再是以前那样“爱民如子，官兵平等”。不太像理想中那样的“人民党，子弟兵”了。
毛岸英那时刚从苏联回来。老毛说他虽然成绩不错，但只学洋玩意儿，不懂中国文化将来还是无用。规定他快速补习四书五经。毛岸英不懂就去问老毛，老毛说；我没那么多时间给你讲课，再说我也不经常住城外。隔壁有个老魏是教书先生出身，很内行。你去请教他吧。并且让江青亲自来和我父母打了招呼。那时江青和我妈妈还是姐妹相称，我妈妈对江青唯一的好评是；没见过这么好的后妈，待老毛前妻的儿女比自己亲生的还好。
从此毛岸英每当看见我父亲的车在家，晚上都来我家听课。来时总是先问我妈妈；首长今天有时间吗？要是忙我下次再来。临走时总要鞠个躬说；耽误您很多时间，还要麻烦杜老师（我妈妈姓杜），真对不起。从第一次到最后一次，每次都是一样的有礼貌。我妈妈说；简直就像我管过的日本战俘一样，不像个中国人，更不像当时中央军委的那种“兵气，匪气”。
她还叹息着说；要是岸英还活着，主席也不会纵容江青这么无法无天。主席很早就烦江青，最喜欢的就是毛岸英。我立刻就讥讽她是妇人之见；老毛要干的坏事只有江青能帮他，毛岸英那样的娘娘腔只有你们女人才喜欢。我妈妈笑着骂我；都像你这种劳改坯子的嘴，一辈子也娶不上媳妇儿。在政治问题上，我永远是我父母的反对派。从开始不得不承认他们说得对，到最后他们不得不承认我说得对。到我进监狱后，我爸爸就是我的第一号粉丝。凡是说过我坏话的老战友老朋友老首长，一律不许登门。每天偷听敌台注意我的消息，是按林副统帅的规定；天天听，雷打不动。
93年我假释在院子里碰到了老邻居张玉珍（李锐夫人），一见我就拉着我说；你真是个大孝子，你妈妈真有福气。弄得我丈二和尚摸不着头脑。她说；你等到你妈妈去世了才进监狱，不是聪明孝顺吗。否则你妈妈这些年该多难受呀。我说我到现在还没算计到这一层呢。心想我爸爸还活着呢，就不算孝顺了吗？我爸爸不这么认为，他说；干得好，像我儿子。你爸爸当年也是忠孝不能两全。我说我和你们当年不一样，我是反你们共产党的。他说；什么不一样，我们也是为老百姓有好日子过，才脑袋别在裤腰带上的。我想我也该长大了，不要每次都让人家下不来台。
这就是我妈妈常说的；亲疏都盖不过一个理字。这是我们家一贯的作风，也是我父母参加革命时学来的作风。是共产党成功时期的作风，也是它丢掉以后就会要失败的作风。正是我们民主派要学会和保持的作风，民主的作风。
以此文纪念我的父母。值此母亲节将到之际，附狱中怀念母亲的诗一首（83年）。
梦中又见母亲来责难我不懂得小心谨慎，顶嘴后气走了她，突然想起她已死多年，见一面不容易。大恸而醒。提笔草就；
对面音容魂梦国， 凄恻惶惑方寸折。
鞠躬尽瘁您先死， 失意忘形我仍活。
慈母盼儿心还在， 浪子回头人不得。
愧悔泪断黄泉路， 负荆何计渡冥河。
（于2006年5月）
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