Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A412-W222

魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A412-W222

Release Date: September 16, 2008

发布日：2008年9月16日

Topic: A Forever "Go" Set, In Tribute to Our Friendship -- My Eulogy of Ning Bo, the Most Well Known Prodigy Child of China (HUANG Ciping's Memoir on the Occasion of the 30th Year Reform in China)

标题：永久的棋盘 -- 怀念宁铂（黄慈萍）

Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)

此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）

Note: Please use "Simplified Chinese (GB2312)" encoding to view the Chinese parts of this release. If this mail does not display properly in your email program, please send your request for special delivery to us or visit:

http://www.weijingsheng.org/report/report2008/report2008-09/ProdigyChild080916HuangCPeulogyA412-W222.htm　which contains identical information.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Ciping HUANG's Memoir

Chapter N：My Years in the University of Science and Technology of China

Section M：A Forever "Go" Set, In Tribute to Our Friendship -- My Eulogy of Ning Bo, the Most Well Known Prodigy Child of China

Once up on a time, I had repeated nightmares: someone was reading the well known article of Wang AnShi, a thinker, statesman and intellectual of more than one thousand years ago: "Eulogy of Zhong Yong - the prodigy child" to me. In my dreams, I could not hear a single word, but I understood each word well. I would be struggling but could not surface to breathe. The end of the dreams would be I screaming out of my lungs: "No, that was not me!" Then I would awake, in sweat and in denial, as well as questioning: "who is that then?"

When I heard that my old college classmate and friend Ning Bo, the most well known "prodigy of China" finally left this secular world to be a monk, I suddenly felt a sense of realization and relief, both for him and for myself. Indeed, I have not had that terrible dream since.

Thirty years have passed, and the household name "Ning Bo" has lost its paramount lust and glory. Over all these years every time I read gossip type tabloid reports about Ning Bo my heart hurt, until finally, the news came that he shaved all his hair and turned himself into a monk to study "the empty" Buddhism in the mountains. "This is for the better." I thought to myself and told the others. I said so because I am more sympathetic to what Ning Bo had to overcome as the most well known prodigy child of China than anyone else, despite my great fondness and memory of him since day one when we met 30 years ago in the college as young teenagers.

Usually people knew that Ning Bo could count to 100 when he was 3 years old and knew more than 400 Chinese characters when he was 4 years old. Yet, there is much more of his talent and goodness that were not known. Later on, many people, especially Chinese parents, had unpleasant opinions of Ning Bo when he argued emotionally in pain about the education of children. They were especially upset by his negativity on the way of grooming "prodigy children", including that they put talented children of barely teenage years into colleges. It is indeed difficult for these parents to understand how could the most well known prodigy child of the time ever react so to a system that he was the greatest beneficiary of and gained all the fame from? Nevertheless, all the time he knew, and I knew, he was made to be a sacrifice and thus became and still is the victim of that system. In some way I felt I owed him something because our lucky survival was due to his sacrifice. Thus I felt particularly sympathetic to him, as well as detested the world and its ways to such a degree that some of my own friends who know me well have a hard time to accept my fierce criticism of that kind of education system that exactly groomed us.

Thirty years ago in 1978, when China started a reform under the slogan of "4 modernizations", someone called Wei Jingsheng wrote the essay of "the Fifth Modernization" with the question "Democracy, or Dictatorship," thus offending the paramount leader Deng XiaoPing and paving himself the way to jail for almost two decades. At that time, I was a lucky child who progressed to the most distinguished university in China with the youngest and most well-known prodigy children of China as my classmates. Among them was the most well-known and talented Ning Bo, age 13 moving up to 14. (Zhang YQ who is Microsoft's vice president in charge of Microsoft's China division said that he was the youngest one. The fact is that he was admitted into our university at age of 12. The real most famous "youngest talent" to the whole country at that time should be Xie YanBo, who was 11 years old when he enter our university, also one of my classmates.) In comparison with these specially selected children, my credentials were trivial, but not my proud. While many of these specially selected gifted children who could not even pass the acceptance line of the college entrance exams, as a junior high graduate without going through high school, I competed with the normal high school graduates for the national college entrance exams and made my way to this prestigious university, the University of Science and Technology of China (USTC), and I was admitted to the most competitive major of the time: Modern Physics.

There were 3 things that educated me a lot during that time, and all made major impacts in my later life as well as shaped my living philosophy.

The first was how I got my high school diploma after studying day and night for one week because I really needed a high school diploma thus the qualification to be able to take the college entrance exams. (Due to my "black" family background defined by the Chinese Communist Party, I did not dare even to dream of going to college until a few months before I actually entered the university.) I was so desperate to be able to study in college that I took a challenge that I could hardly believe even nowadays, when I claimed that it only takes a week to finish high school and the teachers agreed to test after one week. I did well on all the exams and thus got my high school diploma. This experience convinced me that desperation does help provide courage, dedication and bringing the final result. Nowadays, it is with this attitude that I believe in a bright future for China in the long run regardless how challenges and difficult our task may be.

The second thing was the fact that I figured out my college entrance score. After the exams, I recalled each test in detail and precision. I redid them and concluded that I had a score of about 420 out of 500 total. That did reveal that I had a memory better than I usually complained of. But I received quite a few teases from a lot of people, until the official score of 422 was revealed and received - which ranked me the 3rd of the 10,000 high school graduates of Hefei city of more than 1/3 million. It taught me that any anticipation and confidence must be built on careful and solid accuracy, as well as optimism to enhance one's own ability. Even now I know my grocery bill to 1% before I get to the counter, and my favorite request of ordering would be in division of 1/3, 1/7, 1/9, 1/11, etc.. Sometimes I give an exact tip of 15% to a penny when I dislike the service of the waiter or waitress, which would be calculated by multiple ways from elementary school to calculus, one of my favorites is Taylor's theorem.

The third was to get 40 points out of 100 on my first math exam in college. Prior to that, math was my best field that if not because of my carelessness I would always make the full 100 points score. Nevertheless, with a totally new way of thinking and over joyous for myself, I made a big fall at the beginning of my college time. I was so shocked that I could not sleep for several days and suddenly realized that I was all surrounded by people who were much brighter and doing better than me! For a while, I struggled with the question of "Do I want to be a big fish in a small pond, even shrink my head back to my shell like a turtle? Or do I rather choose to be a smaller fish in a big pond, but be able to see much more, even the whole universe?" My choice was clear and rational, yet painful. I felt lucky, for I had the most competitive classmates and friends I could get, including these prestigious "prodigy children", especially Ning Bo.

In my opinion, Ning Bo was one of the most gentle, kind and smarter ones even though Physics was not his favorite major, nor did it have to be his best. Most of us including myself choose modern physics not because it was our favorite or our specialty, but only because it was the most competitive major of that time. One of the important reasons for this competitiveness was not the difficulty of classes and subjects, but more because (at that time) all the 3 people of Chinese descent (T. D. Lee, C. N. Yang and Sam Ting) who won Nobel prizes were physicists. My role model was madam Currie.

But Ning Bo should have never studied physics. Maybe that was not my specialty either, but I have enjoyed my work in the field of physics for almost 20 years, to the least. Ning Bo was a typical Chinese intellectual with a specialty in Chinese traditional knowledge and culture. If he wore the traditional Chinese robe, he should be on the poster to representing the traditional Chinese intellectuals. With his transparent and sincere character, he is the most modest and kind classic Chinese gentleman one could rarely seen nowadays.

My first memory of him in depth is still vivid in my mind. It occurred right before our class in classroom 101 started, when I was sitting in the front row and heard some boys chasing after each other with some laughter. Among them were Zhou ShuDong and Gan Zheng, the two youngest children at age of 12 (only after the 11 years old Xie YanBo). Ning Bo was with them too and sounded much more mature. When I looked back at them, Ning Bo stared at me with his memorable look on his face behind his glass-bottle-bottom like glasses, which made me uncomfortable. His face was very pale white, and he has huge eyes on his huge head.

It was a sort of aggressive look, despite his much more humble nature. Those days, boys and girls were so distinguished, separated and guarded, so that kind of staring indeed was unusual. I remember that I felt challenged to look back at him, in the same way of him staring at me; like a proud rooster ready to challenge the other. Maybe it was the competition, or just curiosity? Maybe it was my staring of him that made him feel challenged first? Although he was the best known prodigy child specially selected to the university, I had reason to feel even better - as a kid who did not go through high school, I competed with 10,000 high school graduates and won the 3rd place and entered the university by a remarkable score. I did not need be specially selected or favored: my scores spoke louder! And I was one of only 10 percent girls in this prestigious university!

Still, innocent friendship took over the competition. Ning Bo became one of my favorite classmates for his humbleness and intelligence, candid nature and sweetness. Till nowadays, I see in him knowledge and intelligence that many children of my time did not have, yet his gentleness and humbleness dulled my pride and arrogance into a friendship.

When I brought my classmates home, he was my mother's favorite, partially because of his very traditional conduct, sweet and polite. So nowadays, I am in full sympathy with him. He did not live to others expectations, and he was trashed in ways that he would not have done so to the others. The others' expectations were not what he wanted. The others' imagination was not his true self. To the opposite of the others' thinking and imagination, the true Ning Bo was much smarter, kinder and private. Yet the publicity and anticipation of him of not being himself was like a giant mill, grinding him slowly without mercy, and grilling his youth away. I saw many of the "prodigy children" ground and grilled that way, which was just the lost imagination of the whole country, parallel to the way Chinese gloom its Olympic athletes.

Till this day, I still remember meeting Ning Bo the last time before our graduation. He gave me the farewell gift - his hand copied poem praising youth and future. As we were departing and shook hands that night, he said: "Let's wait 20 more years, by then we will all be free, doing what we wanted, then we could meet again." That was 1983, 25 years ago.

The 5 years we stayed in USTC were indeed memorable years, yet competitive. He did not have perfect and best scores, a fact that is not a secret. After all, why should he do well on these physics classes he did not like? He had asked many times to study any other fields that he was interested but was always refused by the authority. I never asked Ning Bo for his test score, which may have helped win his trust. As a matter of fact, I even questioned why we had to take the classes the others think are most important and had to think they are important too. This opinion must have fit his train of thought regardless whether expressed by him or not, and is still an opinions I hold nowadays. Take as an example, in those days playing the Oriental "go" chess was considered as "not class related and therefore should not be done." But both of us enjoyed it. Once I also became interested in playing bridge, but he told me that he just had to choose "go" over "bridge". "Go is all in the open, with nothing to hide and nothing to do with chance and probability, that is a more fair game." He proclaimed. "Plus, I do not need to be shipped to Beijing to play bridge and go kind of games with Deng XiaoPing all the time." What he said affected my future judgment on issues, as well as my preference of playing "go" over playing bridge.

Despite he was 2 years junior than me, in this way, he still served as my mentor. If someone should take any credit for my championship in the 1st "go" competition in the University, he should be the one. It is interesting that even nowadays, I hear some people tell the others that they were the coach for me to win the championships of "go". Honestly, if anyone deserves the credit of my championships, it should be Ning Bo. Nevertheless, he did not claim so, even though there are plenty of others, including other playmates that have tried to take the "coaching credit" for my championship in the university.

I liked "go" since I was very young, about 5 years old. But I did not have a complete set for the 19 by 19 board and hundreds black and white stones needed to play. So for a long time, I had to set up the chessboard in my own mind. Without a coach and/or player, I had to play both white and black stones myself. That kind of play and training of thought has natural faults that could be easily detected by an experienced player and thus result in defeat. On my way to the national college competition in Beijing, the athlete school coach who gave us 2 weeks training harshly criticized me for my way of playing: "You must be fighting against the other with your own maximum intelligence and courage, instead of cheating to yourself and the other. Never treat the other as a fool." He said. I thought of this advice often, and indeed they brought profound help and served my life later on.

In 1982, I ranked the 2nd in the "go" competition in Anhui Province that qualified me to make a high-class trip as an athlete to visit Beijing as I always wanted but could not afford. Only after arriving in Beijing, did I realize that I was really competing with all the professionals, who either are professional players to start with, or graduated from "go schools", or had well known masters as teachers, except me as the only amateur there (the uncle of the champion who won me was China's national "go" champion HUANG YongJi, who coached his niece when she was a baby) . Everyone there has his or her own "go" play set, except me. So I lost all the interest to compete there and was depressed when I came back from Beijing. How could you expect someone to play it well when she does not even have a set to practice?

Ning Bo knew that.

One day he came to me and asked me to play in the first "go" competition in the University. I refused. "But there is a set of 'go' if you win the championship." He tried to persuade me. I was motivated for the prize but knew that it would be hard to win because there is already a university designated team of "go" players who got special training all the time. At that time, the coach of the female team, Huang K. from Sichuan (who has won a list of honors even in recent years in the USA, and ranked 2nd place) was romantically interested in the leading female player of the team who was a very pretty and smart girl called Liu H. Before I even applied to join the competition, the self made rule surfaced that people who are not members of the university "go" team are not qualified for the competition, obviously an intention to reduce competition, most likely against me. I certainly felt insulted by the rule, so I insisted for the competition. Ning Bo helped me and appealed for my qualification and argued how could the university disqualify the 2nd ranked player in the province only because she was not in their official players' team? Because of his and others effort, finally I was able to compete. The rest of the story was that I won the championship but broke Huang and Liu's romance. Were Ning Bo and I responsible for this failed romance? Or was because coach Huang K. too aggressive to deny my qualification and thus making me the nature competitor to his chosen girl? Some of my schoolmates asked me this question on a public Internet forum last year, but I am wondering if Huang K. (who got married to someone else) even cares about that part of his history nowadays anyway.

The university was generous and they did award me the "go" set I had wanted for years. It was such a good set that I treasured it so much I barely played to avoid contamination and wearing it out. But later after I moved to Beijing to work when my younger brother wanted to go to Tibet and my parents refused to finance his trip due to concern for his safety, I had to sell it to the highest bidder for 20 RMB, along with all my other valuables including my food ration certificates. I always felt bad that I had to do that and did not tell Ning Bo what had happened to my trophy set.

A conversation occurring between him and me reflects our relationship during those years. "You never asked me to play 'go' with you like everyone else," he said one day. "That is because I have no comparison to you," I answered. "But many others are not that good, but would want to do it anyway because of my name recognition, not my skill." He said with a sigh and a grin of bitter smile. People often know Huang K. as "the top player at USTC", who had very aggressive style both in his way of playing "go", as well as his conduct on the campus. But Ning Bo, never bragged the fact that he won most of the times when he competing with Huang K. In both way of playing "go" and personal conduct, Ning Bo was very modest. Whenever we discuss "go", he praised and recommended Huang K., this is also the reason I respect and admire Ning Bo.

A humble and polite kid who did not and was not able to refuse all the public flashing lights, Ning Bo told me that before his road to the "stardom of prodigy child" his father (who later denounced him for his "lack of performance", what a pity) had warned him: "I could be a sacrifice." "But I accepted it." He must be regretting.

As we went on our own separate ways in the opposite sides of the globe, I have thought of him often with great fondness, of our innocent teenage time in this prestigious university. I thought him more of an interesting friend in reality, than a prodigy child with a glowing hue on his head. I liked to listen to him to talk about traditional Chinese culture instead find out the scores on his physics tests.

A little over a decade ago, when I went back to Hefei and paid a visit to USTC, I learned from the other classmates that Ning Bo had already gone through the trauma of adulthood including family complications and fatherhood. Academically, he was finally teaching Chinese medicine and herbs there instead of physics, which sounds like something that fits him better. When my old classmates who are now professors in the University held a welcome party for me at the USTC campus, Ning Bo appeared. "Wow, we have not seen him for a while, even though we are on the same campus all this time", some of them told me later on, and also told me that Ning Bo was a loner and did not have many friends, just like several other prominent "prodigy children" of our class. I was really sad and said that I felt sorry for him to carry all the burden of the prodigy child including all those famous events like playing go and bridge with people like Deng XiaoPing, a responsibility he should not have to carry and care about.

These days, I often miss my prize set of "go" chess that I sacrificed to finance my brother's Tibet tour, along with part of my own history and friendship with Ning Bo. In some way, I felt guilty to Ning Bo, who tried so hard and was so convinced that I would win the championship in the university that I was not so sure of myself. I am forever grateful for his encouragement to me to have confidence in my go chess playing skill and my intelligence, as well as my confidence in my life. Yet to the end, I could not give him the same in return, as he had to escape this secular world in exchange for monk's plain clothes and reading his Buddhist books by the dimming light.

As I am writing this eulogy and feel sorrow and sadness for Ning Bo, I am reminded a song by the British musician Sting, which was about playing cards:

It Is Not the Shape of My Heart

He deals the cards as a meditation

And those he plays never suspect

He doesn't play for the money he wins

He doesn't play for respect

... ...

I know that the spades are swords of a soldier

I know that the clubs are weapons of war

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

But that's not the shape of my heart

... ...

He may conceal a king in his hand

While the memory of it fades

... ...

Quietly, tears dropped off my eyes. I suddenly realized that Ning Bo has always "doesn't play for the money he wins, and he doesn't play for respect". As people are trying so hard to play their cards and be carefully calculating, Ning Bo has been always held the King in his hand. His heart has never really been on that table, that secular world.

Maybe he should not come anyway.

He belongs to another world.

After all, who could affirm Ning Bo's concentration to Buddhism and his departure from this secular world is a sad conclusion?

I woke up one morning from my dreams with my right finger holding one of those polished shining black and white stones of my trophy "go" set and ready to be "knocked" to the board. Across the table, it was Ning Bo playing "go" chess with me. His face was still pale with childish innocence, but full of wisdom. He smiled, with his heart simple and at peace.

That was a perfect dream, a forever dream.

Related photos:

1. NING Bo entered university at the age of 13:

http://weijingsheng.org/pic/headlines/headlines2008/NingB13yearsold.jpg

2. HUANG Ciping with some of prodigy children in her class (from left to right: XIE YanBo, ZHOU ShuDong, QIU Xiu, CUI ChunShi, HUANG Ciping, photo from the poster used to recruit talented children in China)：

http://weijingsheng.org/pic/headlines/headlines2005/USTCkids7812HCP.jpg

3. Photography is the same hobby I shared with Ning Bo:

http://weijingsheng.org/pic/headlines/headlines2008/NingBcamera.jpg

-----------------------------------------------------------------

This is a message from WeiJingSheng.org

The Wei Jingsheng Foundation and the Overseas Chinese Democracy Coalition are dedicated to the promotion of human rights and democratization in China. We appreciate your assistance and help in any means. We pledge solidarity to all who struggle for human rights and democratic governance on this planet.

You are welcome to use or distribute this release. However, please credit with this foundation and its website at: www.weijingsheng.org

Although we are unable to afford to pay royalty fees at this time, we are seeking your contribution as well. You may send your articles, comments and opinions to: HCP@weijingsheng.org. Please remember, only in text files, not in attachments.

For website issues and suggestions, you may contact our professional staff and web master at: webmaster@Weijingsheng.org

To find out more about us, please also visit our websites at:

www.WeiJingSheng.org and www.ChinaLaborUnion.org

for news and information for Overseas Chinese Democracy Coalition and human rights and democracy movement as whole, especially our Chinese Labor Union Base.

You may contact Ciping Huang at: HCP@Weijingsheng.org or

Wei Jingsheng Foundation office at: 1-202-543-1538 Fax: 1-202-543-1539

Wei Jingsheng Foundation's address is:

415 East Capitol Street, SE, Suite 2, Washington, DC 20003-3810, USA

Its postal address is:

Wei Jingsheng Foundation, P. O. Box 15449, Washington, DC 20003, USA

You are receiving this message because you had previous shown your interest in learning more about Mr. Wei Jingsheng and the Chinese Democratic Movement. To be removed from the list, simply reply this message and use "unsubscribe" as the Subject. Please allow us a few days to process your request.

*****************************************************************

中文版

Wei Jingsheng Foundation News and Article Release Issue: A412-W222

魏京生基金会新闻与文章发布号：A412-W222

Release Date: September 16, 2008

发布日：2008年9月16日

Topic: A Forever "Go" Set, In Tribute to Our Friendship -- My Eulogy of Ning Bo, the Most Well Known Prodigy Child of China (HUANG Ciping's Memoir on the Occasion of the 30th Year Reform in China)

标题：永久的棋盘 -- 怀念宁铂（黄慈萍）

Original Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)

此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）

如有中文乱码问题，请与我们联系或访问:

http://www.weijingsheng.org/report/report2008/report2008-09/ProdigyChild080916HuangCPeulogyA412-W222.htm

-----------------------------------------------------------------

黄慈萍回忆

第n章：在中国科技大学的岁月

第m节：永久的棋盘 -- 怀念宁铂

在我还年轻的时候，我会常常重复地作同一个梦：一个人正在给我吟咏一千年前的思想家、政治家和文人王安石的著名篇章《伤仲永》。梦里，我听不到任何声音，却完全理解每一个字。我痛苦挣扎，几乎窒息。最后我声嘶力竭地叫喊： "不不，那不是我！"终于，我醒过来了，汗水淋淋，在拒绝的情绪中我禁不住问：这个人是谁？

当我听到我的大学同学和朋友、当年最著名的神童宁铂终于离开俗世，出家为僧时，我突然醒悟，突然释然，为他，也为我自己。说来奇怪，从那以后，我再也不受那个梦的困扰了。

整整三十年过去了，＂宁铂＂这个家喻户晓的响亮名字，终于失去了它的光彩和吸引力。过去的岁月里，每次我读到有关宁铂的谣传般的报道时，都感到十分心痛。终于有一天，一个确切的消息传来--宁铂削发为僧，到山上修研佛学的"四大皆空"去了。"这样更好"，我对自己这么说，也对其他人这么说。我这么说是因为除了好感以外，我对宁铂的第一感情是作为中国现代最知名的"神童"的同情。从我少年起认识他到今天，三十年来我一直对他怀有深深的怜惜与同情。

当年，人们都知道幼年的宁铂是个三岁能数数上百，四岁能认识400多个字的"天才"。然而人们并不真正了解他。后来，许多人，特别是中国的家长们对宁铂印象不佳，特别是看到他情绪激动地争论少年教育体系，痛苦地否定自己的神童教育乃至少年班的大学经历的时候，他们更难以原谅他。的确，那些父母们很难理解，一个当时红遍天下的神童怎么会反对他受益非凡、让他名声鹊起的体制？不用说，宁铂从来都知道，我也知道，他过去是、今天也是整个体制的祭祀品和牺牲品。因为他的牺牲，才有我们这类所谓有才华的少年的幸存，也才有我对他的格外同情与愤世嫉俗，以致于我的一些朋友都难以接受我个人对那种教育体制的抨击。

三十年前的中国，正处于一个热火朝天的年代。当时的中国刚开始变革正在鼓吹"四个现代化"，有人写了"第五代个现代化"的檄文，鼓吹民主，因此而得罪了邓小平并遭遇十多年的牢狱之灾。相比较，我很幸运，有机会进入全国闻名的中国科学技术大学，和那些天下皆知的神童们一起学习。和我同班的神童们都非常年少，众所周知的宁铂才13岁。（主管中国的微软副总裁张YQ说他是最年轻的。其实为人知晓的最年轻学生是我们班的谢彦波，入学时11岁。）和这些优选出来的少年相比，我的才华微不足道，我只是一个刚刚从初中毕业的学生，短期内参加了考试，得到高中文凭，进而得以参加全国统一高考，被这所著名大学里最具竞争性的近代物理系所录取。

那段时间里有三件事情震动了我，对我一生及我的人生哲学影响巨大。

第一件事情是我得到我的高中文凭的经历。我靠一星期内日夜不停地学习，获得了高中文凭，目标是参加全国统一高考。因为我背着"出身不好"的黑锅，直到我被大学录取的前几个月，我连做梦也不敢想自己能上大学。正是这个上大学的梦想赋予了我勇气，现在回想起来连我自己都不敢相信，我对老师夸下的海口，扬言一周内可以修完高中课程。我的认真与以往出色的成绩说服了老师们，并在一周后通过了各门考试。现在看来，背水一战似的绝望有时真的可以让人产生非凡的勇气，让人发奋图强并且得到意想不到的收获。因为那次经历，那种姿态成了我后来几十年的一贯态度：我对中国的前途有了更久远的信心，不管达到这个目的需要经历多少挑战和困境，我的信心和勇气不减一分。

第二件事情是我核实自己高考成绩的过程。1978年高考之后，我精确地回忆了每一道题目的细节并从头做了一遍，计算出我的得分是４２０分（满分５００）。这件事情确实证明了我的记忆比我通常抱怨的好得多。当时还有不少人笑话我吹牛。结果成绩公布了，我得了４２２分，在合肥地区近万名高中生中排名第三。这件事让我明白，任何参与和信心必须建立在仔细和求实的精确性上，也建立在对自己能力的乐观自信上。

第三件让我震动的事情是我的第一次大学数学考试成绩。那次我只得了４０分（满分１００）。在这之前，数学是我最拿手的学科，如果不是粗心的话，我总会得１００分。因此，这40分对刚入大学的年轻气盛的我是一个巨大打击。我惊讶万分，连着好几天无法入睡，突然间我明白了，自豪得意的我掉进了一群比我强得多的人群中！很长一段时间，我无法选择："是在小池塘里当条大鱼，甚至把自己的头缩小，如同乌龟一般缩进自己躯壳里去呢？还是宁肯在大池塘里当一条小鱼，但可以开阔眼界，甚至见识宇宙？"我的选择很理性，很清楚，但也很痛苦。至今我依然觉得自己很幸运，我有了当时可能得到的最有竞争力的同学，包括"神童"宁铂。

在我眼里，宁铂非常温和、善良，聪慧，尽管物理并不必是他最拿手的学科。包括我本人在内的我们这些当年选择物理专业的人们，其实并不一定喜爱物理，而仅仅因为当时物理是竞争最激烈的专业。这还多少因为当时仅有的三个华裔诺贝尔获奖人（李政道、杨振宁和丁肇中）都是搞物理的。当时，我的人生楷模是居里夫人。

但是宁铂并不该学物理。可能我也不应该，虽然我还是在和物理相关的行业里高高兴兴地干了20多年。宁铂是个典型的中国知识分子，喜爱传统中国文化和知识，如果穿上长袍，就像个温文而雅的儒士，真诚透明如水晶。可以说，在我四十多年的生涯中，他是我所见过的罕见但最道地的中国绅士。

印象最深的是和宁铂初次见面的那天。在科大的101大教室里，我坐在前排，看到一群少年们正在嬉笑打闹。其中有周曙东和干政，两人都才12岁，是班上年龄仅大于谢彦波的学生。宁铂也在其中，但是看上去文雅许多，面容也成熟许多。我回头看他们，正巧宁铂也在看我。他的眼镜镜片像玻璃瓶底，脸色苍白，头颅硕大，眼如铜铃，盯着人看的样子让我有些不自在，至今难以忘却。

那是一种毫无掩饰的直视，和他谦和的本性相去甚远。在那个男女授受不亲的时代，这样的注视是很奇怪的举动。我不由地疑惑：他这样盯着我，算是竞争，还是好奇？感觉上，我迎接他的目光，仿佛是在迎接挑战，宛如一只骄傲的公鸡昂起了脖子准备进入的那种挑战。也许，是我的眼光让他有了种挑战感？宁铂当时是全国知名的神童，被破例选拔到大学里来，但我也有自傲的理由 -- 我没有读完高中，但跳级后在和一万名高中毕业生竞争中赢得了第三名进入科大。当时有些少年班的学生连高考录取分数线都过不了，而我用不着被破例选拔，我的分数为我说话！何况我是科大学生中只占十分之一的女生！！

然而不久，纯洁的友情就代替了竞争。宁铂变成我最喜欢的同学，因为他极其聪明博学又极其谦逊，极其伶俐又极其亲和。直到今天，一回想他所具有的、那些那个时代的大多数青少年所不具备的知识和智慧，又回想起宁铂的一贯低调和柔和，我自己的小小骄傲立即就被打下去了。

当我把同学们带回家的时候，宁铂是我妈妈最喜爱的同学，主要是因为他彬彬有理，善解人意。现在想来总为他可惜。别人给他刻画营造的神童形象，其实并不是他自己，不是他能够达到的形象，也不是他想要的东西。人们真是不了解他啊！他比人们想象的要聪明许多，心底单纯善良，却也比较内向和怯懦。"名人"的磨盘一点点地辗碎了他。压力使得他难以喘息，公众的关注烧烤掉了他的童稚与青春。他是我们的代表。他是时代的缩影。时至今日，我还记得毕业离校前的那个夜晚，他送给我一首他亲手抄写的、赞扬青春向往未来的诗歌。我们握手惜惜告别，相约20年后再见。那是1983年，25年前的事了。

在科技大学上学的五年，令人难忘，且竞争激烈。我从来没有问过宁铂的分数，这是公开的秘密，不爱这些学科的宁铂成绩勉强。其实他凭什么一定要考个好分数呢？他并不喜欢物理，并多次要求改行却不得批准。我不问宁铂成绩，也许有助于我们之间的友谊。事实上我也常常自问，为什么我们非要上这别人认为我们非学不可的课程？这个想法肯定也在宁铂的脑子里翻腾过，这点我坚信不疑。这么说是有根据的。比如，我们都爱围棋，但都认为不必因为没有学分就放弃。有个时期我想打桥牌，但是他说他情愿下围棋，打算放弃桥牌，因为围棋是明的，不受机会与概率的影响，更加公平。他还笑着说："这样我就不用被送到北京去，陪邓小平打桥牌了"。他的话影响了我今后对类似事物的看法和判断。

尽管宁铂比我小两岁，但某种程度上他可以说是我的师傅。我在大学里能够得到围棋冠军，应该归功于宁铂。时至今日，每每听到有些人声称当年他们如何教我下围棋并帮助我赢了首届科大女子冠军头衔的时候，我就嗤之以鼻。如果论及功劳，那是宁铂的。虽然在众所纷纭的"我给冠军黄慈萍当过教练"的宣告声中，他却沉默无语。

我从五岁起就十分喜爱围棋，但却一直没有一副完整的围棋。在很长的一段时间，我不得不在脑子里画出一个虚空的棋盘，自己和自己下棋。没有师傅，没有对手，我只好自己又下白子，又下黑子，自得其乐。这种下法和思考问题的方式有其不可避免的缺陷，很容易被有经验的棋手看出破绽，并致于死地。由于要参加在北京举行的首届全国大学生围棋竞赛，省围棋队的教练给我们进行过两周的训练。教练批评我："你必须和你的对手下棋，而不是把对方当作傻瓜，好像人家不知道你在想什么。你要以最大的智慧和勇气来战胜对方，而不是自欺欺人！"这位教练不仅教了我如何下围棋，而且也启发了我的人生。

1982年，我赢得安徽省大学生女子第二名后参加了首届全国大学生围棋赛。当时要在全省选拔两名女生去北京参赛。一贫如洗的我为了能去梦寐已久的北京，努力奋争得到了这个机会。到了北京，我才发现参赛的选手都很厉害，他们要么是专业棋手，要么就是上过围棋学校的人，或是围棋大师和教练的子弟。（当时击败我的安徽省大学生女子冠军的舅舅是1960年的全国冠军黄永吉。）所有人都有自己的围棋，只有我两手空空。我没有兴趣再下棋了，回到学校后也闷闷不乐。

宁铂洞察了我的心思。

一天，宁铂找到我，要我去参加首届科技大学的围棋比赛。我不肯去。他便说："可是你要是获得冠军，就能够得到一套围棋呢！"他的劝说让我心动了，的确我很想得到那套围棋奖品。但这很难。因为当时学校有个受专门培训的女子围棋队。他们的教练黄K来自四川（最近还在美国东部赢了多次围棋比赛，并赢的全美亚军的桂冠），正在追求其中最有希望的种子选手刘H。那个姑娘又漂亮又聪明。他们天天练棋，而我却很少下棋。我还没有申请参赛，就有了"非围棋队成员不得参赛"的规定来排挤我。这使我很生气，反倒坚持要报名参加了。在这个过程中，宁铂一直在帮我说话，他指出排除一个全省亚军在科大内的参赛权是既不合理也不公平的，最终让我得到资格参赛与围棋队的各位大将们对垒并赢了冠军。黄K和漂亮女生的恋爱到底不成功，想必不是我和宁铂的责任。事实上，如果不是因为那个咄咄逼人的不公平规定，那个漂亮女生就该是当然的第一名了。去年有朋友在互联网上又问起我这件事，但我怀疑现在的黄K是否对这段艳史兴趣尚存。

学校很大方，在我得了第一届科大女子围棋冠军后，果真奖励了我朝思暮想的一套围棋。这套围棋太完美了，我根本舍不得使用，生怕被磨坏弄脏。但没多久，我也在科大学习的弟弟想去西藏，在父母担心他的安全不让他去的情况下，我变卖了这套围棋，以及食堂饭票在内的所有值钱东西，将钱交给了要上路的弟弟。虽说那套身价非凡的围棋换了当时很值钱的20块钱，我还是很心痛，也一直颇感惋惜，从来没敢告诉宁铂。

有一番对话也许反映了我和宁铂的关系。一次他问我："你怎么从来不不要求和我下围棋呢？"我说："因为我根本下不过你啊。"宁铂多年来都是科技大学男子围棋冠军，棋技比我高出一大截。宁铂听了我的话说："但是那些人棋技并不高超的人还是会要求和我下啊。":他又补充说:"他们不在乎我的技术，只在乎我的名声。"他叹了口气，露出了一丝苦笑。当时在科大有三个最出色的棋手互克。宁铂以柔克刚，在与号称“科大第一围棋高手”由全国重点棋校培养的黄K的比赛中赢多输少。可每每谈起棋艺，他却极其谦虚，推重棋风和个人作风都咄咄逼人的黄K。这也是我尊敬和欣赏宁铂的原因之一。

这么一个低调礼貌的少年，却无法抗拒公众的聚光灯。宁铂对我说过在他走上神童明星之路的时候，他父亲警告说他可能成为牺牲品。宁铂曾经为他父亲挣来那么多荣誉，但他的父亲并不领情，并在后来以其为耻，这种中国式的父母的行为实在让人痛心。宁铂对我说："但是我还是走上了这条路！"我琢磨着宁铂的口气，心想，他懊悔吗？

宁铂上了他的神童明星路，我却走上了完全不同的另一条路，走到了地球的另一半。但我常常想起他，对大学期间那些天真无邪的岁月越来怀念。我视宁铂为好友，而非神童。我想得更多的是他的中国文化底蕴而不是他的物理考试成绩。

十多年前，我回到合肥，重返中科大。从其他同学口里得知，宁铂身陷困境，个人生活也出现危机。他不再教物理，改教中药学。可我却觉得这更适合他。留校的老同学们为我举办聚会，宁铂姗姗来迟。众人哗然："我们天天在一个校园里，却很少见到宁铂，你面子真大！"有人私下告诉我，宁铂挺孤独，没有太多的朋友，和班里的几个神童的情形类似。我听了很悲哀。如果不扛着这顶神童的帽子，宁铂其实是很好处的人。可是他却有许多负担。他实在不应该承担这些负担。

现在我常常会怀念我那套被卖掉的围棋奖品，也非常怀念宁铂。在某种程度上，我对宁铂感到歉疚。他花了多少力气劝说我参加比赛，并帮助我赢得冠军啊。我却不能把冠军奖品保存下来做个纪念......。但，谁说没有纪念呢？他对我的鼓励，他帮我建立的自信，从来没有离开我，一直陪伴着我。遗憾的是，我没有任何可以回报的东西，他已经远离红尘，披上袈裟，登高远去，在微弱灯光下咏经念佛了。

我遗憾，我悲哀，突然想起了英国歌星斯定（Sting）的歌《那不是我心的形状》，那是一首关于打牌的歌：

He deals the cards as a meditation

And those he plays never suspect

He doesn't play for the money he wins

He doesn't play for respect

他把打牌当作练气功

随意抽取并不用心

不为输赢，也不为功名

......

I know that the spades are swords of a soldier

I know that the clubs are weapons of war

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

But that's not the shape of my heart

黑桃是斗士的利剑

梅花是战场的武器

方片意味着艺术的价格

但它们都不是我心的形状

......

He may conceal a king in his hand

While the memory of it fades

他会把王牌握在手中，

随着记忆慢慢退色

......

悄然地，泪水滑落到我的唇边。突然悟到，宁铂从来就是"不为输赢，也不为功名"。当人们用心打牌、精心计算的时候，宁铂其实一直握着他的王牌，他的心并没有真正地在牌桌上，也不属于这个俗世。

而且，他可能不该来吧？

他应当属于另一个地方。

其实，谁能说他去佛山就一定是一个悲哀的结局呢？

那一天，我从梦里醒来。梦中的最后一刻里，我的右手正握着一个棋子，棋盘上黑白闪亮的棋子正严阵以待。那是我那套冠军奖品，棋盘和棋子依旧崭新，瓒瓒生辉。我那颗决定胜负的棋子正要出击，一决雌雄......。对面坐着的不是别人，正是宁铂，他稚童般纯洁的面容依旧苍白，但充满了智慧，他笑了，以他淡泊而宁静的心......。

那是一个美满的梦，一个永远的梦。