Overseas
Chinese Democracy Coalition News and Article Release Issue Number: A438-O129
中国民主运动海外联席会议新闻与文章发布号：A438-O129
Release
Date: January 24, 2009
发布日：2009年1月24日
Topic:
Terms of Endearment: Shared
Affection as the Limbs of a Body (A Joint Memorial to the Father of Dr. QIAN
YueJun, the Former President of Chinese Students Association of Germany) --
HUANG Ciping
标题：手足情 -- 记前德国学联主席钱跃君博士兼悼他父亲的去世 （黄慈萍）
Original
Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
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Terms
of Endearment: Shared Affection as
the Limbs of a Body
(A
Joint Memorial to the Father of Dr. QIAN YueJun, the Former President of
Chinese Students Association of Germany)
--
HUANG Ciping
Even
20 years ago, I had heard of Qian YueJun.
At that time, he was the president of the Chinese Students Association
of Germany of 60 universities and colleges, while I was a founder and senior
member of the Independent Federation of Chinese Students and Scholars of USA
(abbr. IFCSS) of 3 times larger.
For all these years, these Chinese students' associations that were
formed during the democracy movement of 1989, independent of the Chinese
Communist government, have had a friendship like the limbs of a body. Unfortunately during the first decade
we were never able to meet in person.
At
that time, Dr. Qian was busy studying and working in Germany while I had a job
in the USA, another corner of the world.
Although I visited Europe often those days for vacation, I did not
bother to stop any place to visit anyone.
But I have heard that he had attended virtually every annual meeting of
the Global Chinese Student Union, including the ones held in the USA, Taiwan,
Russia, Canada, etc. So when I was
the president of the Global Chinese Student Union and hosted the annual
conference in Washington DC ten years ago in January 1999, I was surprised that
he did not come. Later in 2000
when I attended the annual conference in Taiwan and relinquished my presidency,
he was absent again. So every time
when I heard from friends of IFCSS and Chinese students leaders of other
countries praising him, I really could not go along much because indeed I did
not know him that much. All I
could say was to complain that he did not offer enough courtesy to attend the
conference I hosted and give me enough support during my presidency. In reality, there were representatives
from Germany during the two conferences, but just like the impression of the
leaders of the Chinese students groups of the other countries, people outside
of Germany know YueJun the best.
In some way, he seems to represent the whole Chinese Student Association
of Germany.
Not
until the end of 2000 did I finally formally meet with YueJun for the first
time, at the third conference of the Overseas Chinese Democracy Coalition which
was chaired by Wei Jingsheng in Germany.
He came to the conference a little late and made me a little
dissatisfied and thus further strengthened my opinion that he was too
arrogant. However, when I saw him
bending over to dance with his lovely little daughter at the dance party at the
end of the conference, I was quite moved.
It was a beautiful scene at that serious even somehow boring
conference. At that time, I was
still mourning my father who just passed away two weeks earlier, who I was
forbidden to visit by the Chinese government when he was still alive and later
at the funeral. My heart was so
chilled and desperate, so it was very emotional to observe that moving scene of
a close-knit family. That first
impression lasted forever, and now I like both YueJun and his virtuous and
capable wife, Qian Hong.
After
that, we have been meeting each other almost every year. Sometimes I stayed at his home. Yet, each meeting has been busy,
despite a lot of communications.
We talked so much about official affairs and barely had time for
detailed and more sentimental personal exchanges. Occasionally during our exchanges, some interesting past or
friends we share would come into the picture yet quickly were disrupted by the
official topic or other people. If
the circumstance permits, we surely have a lot of topics in common. People like Mr. LIN Fei of
Russia/Japan, IFCSS' own Dr. LUO LiShi, Dr. CHEN XingYu and President LIU
YongChuan, have all shot through our conversations many times like meteors.
The
general evaluation people have of YueJun is that he is open and optimistic,
frank and capable, and especially multi-talented. This is quite true.
I have also heard people comment on him as "the good kind of
Shanghainese". Regardless of
the shortcomings of this comment, even its "political incorrectness",
it is quite vivid and to the point.
Although I was born in Shanghai and spent my childhood there, I do not
have a particular sentiment to Shanghainese due to the complicated history and
political persecution I had there.
Yet, when I hear YueJun's Shanghainese accent, it brings me some kind of
special endearment. His way of
detail and personal attention in the way of Southern men's style made me
particular moved. Take an example,
many people know that my photography hobby, however, he is one of few people
who would volunteer to take pictures for me.
YueJun
also chose physics as his major, the most competitive of that time. He studied acoustics, while my field is
optics. Yet, although I would love
to talk about physics with him, we never did. But YueJun was much more talented and artistic. He seems to be able to do anything he
wants to do. In the past two
decades, he has spent his non-working hours in newspaper publication and has
become a self-taught legal expert.
This is how most of people know him. Although I have seen plenty intelligent and capable people,
I have rarely seen a multi-talented person like him. That maybe the reason that I hold him in esteem.
The
other reason that I admire him is more due to the shortcoming of myself. That is, YueJun would try diligently
and seriously do well on everything he wants to do, maybe due to his ability,
or his attitude, or even the fact that he received German training, or all the
above. It was my own growing up
experience as well as environment that made me conclude that if a talented kid
is not working hard, the kid may not do better than the other kids. For example, one may only need ten
percent of the time to solve a mathematical problem, but then waste the other
90% in play and in the end become not very serious about responsibility or
discipline. When I was a kid, my
happiest time would be when I was sick, so I could not only have good food, but
also did not have to go to school.
This kind of mood lasted in me even when I become adult. I always try to find a shortcut, or
escape from things I should do. I
do not like to wait, and am always the last one to catch the train or
airplane. So at the end of December
of 2008 when I brought Wei Jingsheng and others to meet with YueJun in Bonn for
another important meeting, he had to criticize me again: "When could you
be serious about this kind of important matter? You were late last time for the hearing in Berlin at the
German Parliament, now you almost messed up this one." I did not rebuff him, although I had my
"fair reasons". It is
hard to hide one's own shortcoming in front of another who is smarter.
Although
the other people do not know the Chinese Student Association of Germany well, I
got to know them better with my increased activities in Europe. After all, even if YueJun has three
heads and six arms and all the ability, it would be hard for him to organize so
many activities and maintain such a large group during such a long period.
What
moved me most happened in April 2003 when Mr. Wei Jingsheng took his doctor's
advice and did not attended the human rights conference of the UN in Geneva as
he did every year. When there was
a shortage of manpower, it was YueJun and CHEN NaiLiang, then president of the
Chinese Student Association of Germany, along with other members of the
association that came to the rescue and helped me to accomplish several
projects, include a special two-hour long briefing on Chinese human rights
problems inside the UN compound.
That was at the beginning of the Iraq war, and gun smoke also filled the
UN hall as the totalitarian countries such as Chinese Communist government
tried to take the advantage. That
special program became the only briefing that year presenting Chinese human
rights problems inside the UN where all the presenters were Chinese. It was during the 59th session of UN's
human rights commission.
It
was not easy for our friends from Germany to join this briefing because not
only did they need to make time available and pay for their own expenses, but
also their daily language was in German instead of English. So I had to try hard to adapt myself to
their German accented English while moderating the brief. But I had no reason to laugh at them;
it would be much harder for me to mobilize my IFCSS friends to make such an
effort and sacrifice.
As
a matter of fact, even within the Chinese Students Association of Germany it
was not clear-cut, just like IFCSS.
After twenty years of shifting and filtering, very few people could
still hold their freedom and democracy ideals, as well as put them in practice
at the same time. Many Chinese
student associations have "changed color" to become a puppet
permitted by the Chinese government.
The Chinese Communist government used various ways even measures of humiliation
and cruelty to force everyone. Dr.
Qian YueJun has had discussions with me about what has happened in his
organization in the last 20 years, which is quite similar to what had happened
within IFCSS. Especially the
recent Zhang DanHong incident at Deutsche Welle is quite similar to the Gao
Zhan incident not long ago in the USA.
Both were taking advantage of a democratic country. I told him: "This was tough on
us. Gao Zhan was doing the
opposite of the IFCSS and was
treated as an honored guest in the Chinese embassy in Washington DC, yet when
she turned around, she become 'a freedom fighter' and disgraced the Chinese
democracy movement". In
comparison, Zhang Danhong used the reputation of Deutsche Welle to sing praises
for the Chinese Communist Party and help the Communists.
Due
to the help of YueJun, we were able to have a hearing about Deutsche Welle on
December 18, 2008, in the German Parliament. Mr. Wei Jingsheng testified at this hearing before more than
20 German Parliament members and officials. What made me anxious was that YueJun was not able to attend
that day. He had to fly eastward
to attend his father's funeral in Shanghai. Although I thought that he would be punished by the Chinese
Communist government for what he did for the Chinese democracy movement,
including this Zhang Danhong incident, I could not bear to pour cold water over
his head, but only kept silent on his "disappearance".
Indeed,
despite that YueJun was the only son of his father, he was not allowed to go
back to Shanghai to attend his father's funeral and comfort his aged
mother. Since 1999 when I returned
to China yet failed to visit my dying father due to the Chinese government's
interference by force, the world has move forward for ten years. Yet the brutal barbarian nature of the
Chinese Communist Party has only increased. When I was stopped at the Shanghai airport by dozens police
that day, I questioned them with extreme grief and indignation: "Do not you
have your own parents? If they are
ill, will you want to visit them?"
No one answered me - the Chinese Communist Party had kidnapped humanity
and the last bit of human nature.
Our parents became the hostages, our devotion to our parents became the
target of abuse.
As
soon as YueJun got back to his home in Frankfort, he informed us
immediately. I thought he would
have a flow of emotion to talk, but I was coward and lacked the courage to say
much. The silence was more than
words, for the silence became my strongest expression at that time. I guess that my heart was not made of
steel and thus weak. When I am
emotionally hurt, I just fall to silence.
I did not know what to say when I met him.
On
December 22, we finally met in Bonn again. I was so short of expressing anything, but fortunately the
others expressed well for me. We
chatted for about two hours.
YueJun talked a lot about his family, even to the details that every
week he would call his father and chat for more than half hour. He was calm and full of
magnanimity. But I thought, what
if one day when he did what I did and pick up the phone to call his father in
habit and then realize it was a repeated action no more effective? I still remember one cold and lonely
night, with phone in my hand, I suddenly realized that my father would not be
able to hear me anymore and cried my heart out for being unable to meet him the
last time, nor to attend his funeral.
Will the sanguine YueJun do the same?
When
YueJun learned that Wei Jingsheng's father passed away in Beijing and was
unable to see his son for the last time, he wrote a letter to Wei
Jingsheng. In his letter, he said:
"Dear Elder brother Wei: I was shocked and extremely sad to learn that
your father has passed away. Your
father has suffered in his life for you, but he should be proud to have a son
like you. Nevertheless, it is hard
to imagine that he left this world alone all by himself. We are outside of China now because of
Chinese democracy - to strictly speak, to keep a strong and straight backbone
we came to exile. However, in
front of these dictators, we do not spare even a half-drop of our tears for
them..."
Without
a doubt, YueJun, your father also "should be proud to have a son like
you". More so, " in
front of these dictators, we do not spare even a half-drop of our tears for
them."
Yet,
last night, I still had a dream when I saw my father walking away. Despite my repeated calling, he would
not turn his head back. So I cried
with my friend sitting next to me.
It was YueJun. As I awake
this morning, I am writing this article to YueJun, as a memorial to his father,
and to express my sympathy. His
suffering is my suffering. Just
like limbs of a body, our hearts are connected, we share the same
responsibility. "When one has
bosom friends afar, the other side of earth is as close as the
neighbor." I am fortunate to
know YueJun, to seek progress together.
Maybe this is a way of compensation for the Chinese Communist Party's
depriving of our affection to our fathers.
(Written
in the morning of January 17, 2009.)
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中文版
Overseas
Chinese Democracy Coalition News and Article Release Issue Number: A438-O129
中国民主运动海外联席会议新闻与文章发布号：A438-O129
Release
Date: January 24, 2009
发布日：2009年1月24日
Topic:
Terms of Endearment: Shared
Affection as the Limbs of a Body (A Joint Memorial to the Father of Dr. QIAN
YueJun, the Former President of Chinese Students Association of Germany) --
HUANG Ciping
标题：手足情 -- 记前德国学联主席钱跃君博士兼悼他父亲的去世 （黄慈萍）
Original
Language Version: Chinese (Chinese version at the end)
此号以中文为准（英文在前，中文在后）
如有中文乱码问题，请与我们联系或访问:
http://www.weijingsheng.org/report/report2009/report2009-01/QianYJfather090124HuangCPmemorialA438-O129.htm
-----------------------------------------------------------------
手足情 -- 记前德国学联主席钱跃君博士兼悼他父亲的去世
作者：黄慈萍
二十年前，我就听说过大名鼎鼎的钱跃君博士了，那时他是德国学联的主席，我也算是创建全美学自联的元老之一。多年来，在1989年中国民主浪潮冲击下产生的这些独立于中国政府的海外学联，有着兄弟手足般的关系和情谊。可惜在此前的十多年，我们一直无缘会面。
那时，他在德国忙于攻读学位和工作，我却在美国，可谓是天涯海角。虽说那时常常去欧洲旅游，毕竟我玩兴太大，很少去会朋友。据说他基本上参加了每年的全球学联大会，美国、台湾、苏联、加拿大等各地的会他都参加了。可到了1999年1月我担任全球学联主席并坐庄在美国召开全球学联大会时，他竟然没有来。到了2000年初在台湾参加全球学联大会时，他又再次缺席。所以每每听到各个学联包括全美学自联的同道们赞美钱跃君时，我却实在没法恭维，一方面是的确不了解他，但能说的就是抱怨他不给面子，没有出席我们的会议，没有支持我任期内的工作。当年德国学联虽派人参加了我主持的大会，但毕竟，和其他各国学联的头头们的印象一样，外界学联对德国学联的人印象最深的非钱跃君博士莫属，在某种程度上，好像他就是整个全德学联了。
一直到2000年底参加在德国召开的魏京生主持的第三次中国民主运动海外联席会议上，我才首次正式见到钱跃君。尽管当时他来晚了些，使得帮助会务的我有所不满，更认为他架子太大。但是在会议结束时的舞会里，他弯着身子和他幼小可爱的女儿翩翩起舞，可是美极了。在那个极其严肃到有些单调的会场上，赫然形成一条风景线。当时我因为未能探望两周前才去世的父亲，心里颇为凄凉甚至绝望。因而在看到他那充满温馨气氛的家庭，那亲密无间的情景竟引起了我无限的感慨。第一印象确实重要，我对钱跃君，包括他那贤惠而又能干的太太钱红，印象都很好。
在此之后，我们基本上年年见面，有时甚至就住在他家里。然而，每次见面都是来去匆匆，交流甚多却公事公办，很少有细腻和情感上的交流。偶尔，我们的交流中会冒出一个有趣的关于各自学联，或者是互相认识的朋友的细节，但却常常被一本正经的议题及人物打搅了。如果条件容许，这样的话题一定不少，俄国/日本学联的林飞，全美学自联的罗礼诗、陈兴宇、刘永川等，都如同流星在我们的对话中飞逝而过，难能细谈。
人们对钱跃君的普遍评价是他个性开朗，为人坦诚，多才多艺，特别能干。这个总结是不差的。我也听过人评论他为“好的那种上海人”。不管这种评论有什么缺陷，甚至是“政治上的不正确性”，我觉得也是很中肯的。我个人虽出生在上海并在那里度过我的童年，却由于对上海的种种剪不断又理不清的错综复杂的历史和经历，谈不上对上海人有什么特别的情感，但听到钱跃君的上海口音依然会有种特别的亲切感。跃君还有一种特别的南方男人式的细腻和体贴，也常常使我感动。比如说许多人都知道我爱拍照，但他是会主动拿我的相机给我和别人一起留影纪念的极少人之一，以致于我在德国时的照片好像大都是他照的了。
钱跃君学的也是物理，当年最有竞争性的行业。他学的是声学，我是光学。但他比我能干多了，能书会画，学什么是什么，这二十年来他的业余精力主要是编辑和发行报纸刊物和普及法律知识，这是在德国的一般人对他的了解。我见过的能人虽不少，但像他这样的全才还真不多，这也是我非常推重他的原因吧。
佩服他的另一个原因，则由于我自己的缺陷变得尤为突出，那就是他能勤勤恳恳、踏踏实实地做好每一件他想做的事。我不清楚这是能力的原因，态度的原因，还是甚至因为是在德国被训练的原因。大概是兼而有之吧。我个人的成长经历及环境使得我得到结论，如果不努力，天资好的孩子并不一定能比一般的要出息。比方说，你只要花别的孩子十分之一的时间去解一道数学题，剩下的时间就玩去了。结果是随随便便，责任感差，纪律性更差。我小的时候最高兴的就是生病，不但能有好吃的，还可以不上学。如今虽已成人，却常常被这种顽童的心理所折磨，总是想偷懒，有时也会变得很心虚。我不喜欢等待，总是掐分掐秒，成为上飞机或火车的最后一个乘客。所以，在2008年12月底，当我带着魏京生等一行人和钱跃君在波恩再次会面去见一位政治家险些迟到时，他又当面批评我：“这么大的事你不认真。你上次去柏林的听证会就晚了，这次差点又晚了。”我竟然变得哑口无言。其实，我也有我的“正当理由”呢，但在“同类”面前我不大能理直气壮地拿出来。
尽管外界对全德学联并不了解，随着我在欧洲活动的增加，我对他们的了解也增强了。毕竟，即便钱跃君有三头六臂，各种才能，他也不可能在这么长的阶段里，维持这么大的一个组织，保持这么多的活动。
我个人最为感动的是在二零零三年四月联席会议主席魏京生先生遵医嘱，未能按原计划如以往的几年那样赴日内瓦参加联合国人权活动而参加人数恰巧比较少的情况下，由钱跃君及当时的全德学联主席陈乃良先生为首的、全德学联干部为主的朋友们帮助我完成了中国民主运动海外联席会议在日内瓦联合国会议厅有关中国人权问题的专题报告会。当时伊拉克战争刚刚开战，联合国内也硝烟四起，以中共为首的专制国家乘火打劫。结果是这场中国人权问题的专题报告会竟然是第五十九届国际人权年会举行的唯一一场完全由中国人主讲的有关中国人权问题的专题报告会。
远道而来的德国朋友们参加这个报告会真是不容易，不仅仅要请假自己掏路费，而且毕竟他们平常是讲德语。主持会议的我听到他们带有德语口音的英文报告，不得不强忍住，不让自己笑出来。可我又有什么理由去笑他们呢？我那些全美学自联的朋友们英文也许更好，却做不到我们德国同道所做的努力和牺牲。
其实，即使是全德学联内部，也并不是一刀切的情况。二十年来大浪淘沙，能够坚持当年的民主自由理念并付诸实现的人已经很少了。许多其它学联甚至已经变色，转而为中共说好话乃至抨击1989年的民主运动甚至不惜侮辱当年满怀理想和热诚参与的普通学生和百姓了。共产党以钱、权、利诱使和逼迫了许多人就范，其中也不乏丧尽天良、绝无人性的一些手段。钱跃君和我讲过一些全德学联这二十年来的沧海桑田，人事变迁，与全美学自联确有异曲同工之处。特别是最近的张丹红事件，更与不久前美国的高瞻事件类似，而且都是钻民主国家的空子。我对他说：“这真的是很难，高瞻明明是与全美学自联对着干并出入中共大使馆的红人，可她摇身一变，倒成了自由民主人士，往中国的自由民主运动上抹黑。”而张丹红则占着德国之声的位子，替共产党唱赞歌，为中共帮大忙。
由于钱跃君的努力，我们于2008年12月18日在德国议会成功地召开并参加了一场有关德国之声的听证会，二十多名德国议员与官员参加，魏京生先生出证。然而让我心焦的是，那一天钱跃君却不能参加，他必须前往东方去参加他父亲的葬礼。我虽然认为由于他在民主运动中的作用尤其是在张丹红事件中的活动必然会受到中共的报复，但也是不忍心给他泼凉水，只能对他的突然“失踪”缄口不语。
果然，尽管钱跃君是他父亲唯一的儿子，他却没有能回到上海为他的父亲尽最后一次孝心，并安慰他那年迈的母亲。从1999年我回中国探望我奄奄一息的父亲到现在，世界已经向前迈进了近十年，但中共的残暴与无人性却有增无减。当我一九九九年被挡在上海机场时，我悲愤地质问那些警察："你们也有父母吗？如果他们病了，你们会不会去看他们？"没有人回答。中共已经剥夺并绑架了人性和人道，这些人类最基本的品质；我们的孝心成了他们施虐的对象，我们的父母成了他们的人质。
钱跃君一回到他法兰克福的家，就通知了我们。我想他一定想述说一番，但我却胆怯了，没有勇气去和他交流。此时无声胜有声，无语成了我感情上最为强烈的表达。也许是因为我的心是肉做的，太懦弱了吧，我对我感情上最受打击的事件的表现常常是沉默。我不知道见到他该如何表示，又该说什么。
12月22日那天我们终于在波恩又见面了，我当时颇为唯唯诺诺，无所表达，但幸好别人都替我表达了。大家一起聊了近两个小时。钱跃君谈了许多他的家人，他的父亲以及他每周都会和他父亲打电话聊上半个多小时的细节。他当时的表现是从容而大度的。可我却不由地想，如果他也象我那样，有一天突然拿起电话想给自己的父亲打电话，却明白这是一个无用的重复动作，会怎么反应？我记得那个寒冷而孤独的夜晚，手抓电话的我突然意识到这一点，禁不住号啕大哭，为未能最后见到父亲并为他送终行孝而痛哭不已。开朗的他也会这样吗？
当得知魏京生的父亲病重以及去世而魏京生却不能回北京尽孝时，钱跃君给魏京生写了封信。信中说：“老魏兄：惊闻你老父去世，不胜悲痛。你父亲为你连累了一生，但应当也要为有你这样一个儿子而骄傲一生，现在却孤独地离开人世。我们身在海外，为了民运--更严格地说，为了这一不屈的脊梁--而流浪海外。但在专制者面前，我们不会给他们留下半点眼泪。。。”
毫无疑义，跃君，你的父亲也“应当也要为有你这样一个儿子而骄傲”。而且，面对专制者，我们也“不会给他们留下半点眼泪。”
然而昨夜，我还是做了一个梦，梦见我的父亲远去，千呼万唤不回头，禁不住与邻座的朋友报头痛哭，原来这朋友就是钱跃君。所以今天，我以此文回赠跃君，作为对他父亲的悼念，并表达对他未能参加他父亲葬礼的同情。他的痛也就是我的痛，如同手足，我们的心是连着的，我们的责任也是共同的。海内存知己，天涯若比邻，我有缘认识跃君，并了解他，一起工作，共同追求中国的进步，这正是我的荣幸，这，也算是中共剥夺我们亲情的另一种补偿吧。
（写于2009年1月17日上午。）
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